Hello fellow people who struggle with acting HOOman. I have tips for you! This is how I, a totally hooman girl, manage to blend in with all of y- I mean, act normal-ish. Like hoomans do. Yes. Let us begin.

1. Hoomans have this weird obsession with fashion, so you will need some nice clothes. Hoomans cover themselves in fabric to keep warm or something like that. I wouldn’t know. It’s a hooman thing. Anyway, you will also need…
2. Hooman mony. Hoomans have plastic and gold and silver used to trade for stuff. You will need some in order to pass as a hooman. They like to talk about it a lot. They call these things mony, but it is pronounced mun-ee. Hoomans are strange creatures.
3. Use your hooman mony to show off to other hoomans so they will love you. This is totally how hooman emotions work, right? Anyway, also use your mony to buy things. Like…
4. Hooman food, which is something hoomans need in order survive. But instead of pulling an aple off a tri, they cook using ovens and things that need lightning to power them.
5. Use your hooman mony to buy a hoose. This where hoomans live. And where their…
6. Adopted animal sidekicks live as well. You will need one in order to be hapi, according to hooman scientists (which literally just wear white cardigans and explode stuff). You will need hooman mony to buy one probably.
7. Hooman mony is not free. You have to work for it, like slavery, except with rewards. Fun and joy.
8. Have hooman emotions. Very difficult. You have to do this thing called smiling, with is baring your teeth at someone, but not aggressively. And then you have to produce water out of your hooman eyeballs. And laugh which is cheerfully yelling at nothing. And being angry, which means flushing your face with blood and screaming. You’ll master it eventually.
9. Be in a hooman relationship. Whether this is a friend relationship (following someone around and smiling a lot and actually being social and talking to them) or in a romantic relationship (pressing your hooman lips into someone else’s and doing this thing called flirting), it makes you not look like a potential hated enemy.
10. Be social. This includes not being yourself (not  a hooman) and being a social hooman, which means talking to hoomans. Very frustrating, because you have to judge their emotions so you don’t say The Wrong Thing.

Warning: hoomans have stuffed up the planet at this point and completely taken it over. It is now living hell. You will probably not stay there very long if you have any optional means of escape. I hope this makes sense. Because most hoomans do not.