Have you ever really thought about how stupid english really is? Seriously, take similes. Imagine how hard they would be for someone to learn! People who are born speaking English understand it pretty quickly, but let’s step back from that fact and address some of the most idiotic phrases we ever thought of.

“Cool as a cucumber”- this has two meanings. Either it’s cold (as a cucumber) or something is cool (as in being awesome). People have to judge surroundings, mood, etc. just to understand what is being said. Cucumbers are only cool if they’ve been refrigerated.

“Green with envy”- you do NOT turn green when you’re jealous. Just saying that. The ‘with’ in there can also make it confusing- is envy a person? Is green a person? This raises a question about evolution too- maybe humans literally did turn green when they were jealous?

“I saw red”- how are people meant to guess that this means you’re angry?! Red is associated with a number of other things, including love and pain and death. You also don’t literally see red when you’re angry (at least, it’s never happened to me), unless someone decides to wave a red scarf in front of your face while you’re mad.

Metaphors-

“The heart of a lion”- I honestly feel sorry for this lion. When using this to describe a person, it’s meant to mean ‘oh you’re brave’, but it can be taken as ‘I cut out a lion’s heart’. Lions also aren’t even that courageous to be honest. Most of the male lions don’t even hunt, just get others to do it (lazy lions). So now this translates to ‘you have cut out the heart of a lazy big cat’. Just wow.

Other things-

It, if, when, or, then, why, how, so, may, and, though, etc. Somehow people know where to put these without really questioning why we bother with them at all. They’re just so confusing! And I’m not  person who struggles in English class.

Okay, go try and find other ridiculous expressions for yourself, since I’m a lazy lion- I mean, be independent etc.!

Ok bye.